Post by mattkraven on Jul 29, 2009 23:25:38 GMT -5
Despite tag team wrestling being over 80+ years old, your partner still doesn't realize that getting into the ring while you're being double-teamed is going to cause you more harm than good...
- It's always a good idea to pantomime to the crowd or audibly yell out that you're going for your finisher. Your opponent still won't see it coming. What's that stomping on the mat? Better turn around and find out!
- The blond chick is more than likely going to win the Bikini contest.
- Losing your title twice in triple threat matches doesn't count as a loss on your record.
- Getting hit with a move in a three way match may cause you to blackout on the arena floor for upwards of 5 -10 minutes at a time.
- If you have issues with Teddy Long on Smackdown, best be ready to wrestle The Undertaker.
- Diving off 15 foot ladders or going through flaming tables is SAFE, but executing a piledriver is CAREER THREATENING~! and thus is forbidden.
- Your first promo on TNA TV must include at least one slam against Vince McMahon and his company.
- It's a bad idea to catch a steel chair Rob Van Dam just threw to you.
- Your best bet for success in ECW is to have never wrestled there.
- Being ran over by a car, dropped from a building, set on fire, and having your head crushed with a cinderblock/sledgehammer or any large blunt object will only put you out of action for *maybe* a week, but walking across the ring and tearing your quads puts you on the shelf for a YEAR.
-Publicly traded companies encourage their C.E.O.'s to ram people's faces into their ass and have on-camera kinky sex with female employees. (Phil Ken Sebben, HA-HA-HA!!)
- When wrestling in your hometown the chances of being humiliated increase with every reference to that fact.
- If you're an evil foreigner, every crowd will chant USA in an attempt to bother you. Even if you're wrestling another non-American.
-If Hogan starts shaking his fists, don't hit him again, just walk away.
- When wrestling in a cage match against an opponent with a manager, tag partner, or valet at ringside, never stick your head out of the cage door.
-Celebrity Wrestling = ratings. Just look at Celebrity Deathmatch... what do you mean that isn't around anymore?!
- If you get kicked in the stomach, you must wait ten seconds, in case somebody decides to Scissor Kick you.
- If you're a babyface and under 200 pounds, don't accept a match against another light babyface. About a minute in you'll both be destroyed by someone who wants a World title shot.
- If awarded a trophy, don't bother making a space for it on your shelf, for it will never make it home in one piece.
- If a gimmick doesn't work the first time, try, try again. With somebody else. (Examples: Bodydonnas/Simon Dean, Papa Shango/Boogeyman, Dean Douglas/Matt Striker, Gangrel/Kevin Thorn, Rhythm 'n' Blues/Deuce and Domino, Razor Ramon/Fake Razor Ramon/Carlito.)
- Any wrestler/tag team/stable/personality referring to themselves as the "New" version of a previous wrestler/tag team/stable/personality will automatically fail.
- The best way to put over a black champion is to have him act like whiter-than-white royalty, while the best way to put over a white champion is to have him act like a black rapper.
- When you need to talk to someone 'in private', just ignore the camera crew filming the whole thing.
- Always wear your wrestling gear - even if you're backstage and not scheduled to wrestle.
- The more evil you get, the slower your theme music becomes...
- If your Canadian you probably trained under Stu Hart at some point in your career. Even if you didn't.
- If you're a Japanese wrestler, you will not know a word of English and will only smile and nod to communicate.
- Leprechauns live under the ring. They do not hide pots of gold. Rob Van Dam used pot and lost the gold.
- Foreigners are evil by default. Not born in the U.S.A? HOW DARE YOU.
- There are a thousand variations of the chinlock. Most were created by Randy Orton. And all are used for 14 minutes of a 20 minute match.
- When submitting match results to a website from a WWE show that you attended in person, it's important to express your utter disdain for everyone else in attendance because they were actually trying to have a good time and were doing such inappropriate things as cheering for Cena and HHH while booing people like Shelton Benjamin (y'know, the bad guys). It's also important to express complete hatred for the current product, but only after bragging about how good your seats were, how much they cost, and when people might be able to see you talking on your cell phone during the actual broadcast.
- Usually, the guy with the Japanese name that's wearing a mask isn't going to be Japanese...or any Asian nationality for that matter.
- Samoans speak unintelligible gibberish, have heads like cinder-blocks and thumbs capable of extreme devastation.
- No matter how many times somebody escapes your full nelson, it still has never been broken.
- It is clearly impossible for every person to get into the ring at the same time during a TNA reverse battle royal.
- Goose stepping in Germany may get you fired from CNBC News, but it does get you the WWE championship and appearances on FOX News.
- Drawing number 1 gives you a better chance of winning the Royal Rumble than drawing number 30.
- When in a Hell in a Cell match, it's always a good defensive strategy to climb to the top of the cell.
- Always argue with a referee about a two count. Sometimes he'll change his mind and make it a three count...
- If you win the Royal Rumble, HHH will still main event Wrestlemania anyways.
- If you set up a table outside the ring for seemingly no reason, it is safe to assume you will be the one going through it.
- If your name is 'Goldberg' or 'Lesnar' you will claim wrestling was only slightly responsible for your fame even though you're not known anywhere else for anything else.
- Holding two world titles at once solidifies your status as main eventer. Just ask RVD and Chris Jericho....
- When you're athletic, charismatic, experienced and you gain the biggest pops in one of your promotions most important PPV, prepare to pay some dues. You're not thinking you are better than everyone else, are you?
- Two guys randomly thrown together can easily beat any legit tag team for their championship titles.
- If you're a wrestler in your 20's with about 240 lbs. of pure muscle you still wont be able to beat the 53 year old with the bum knees you'll be facing that night
- A 5'4" 140 lbs. woman is considered fat
- If Tony Schiavone is calling the matches, the night will always be the greatest night in Wrestling ever, regardless of it's actual content.
- A C-list celebrity can beat your company's Champion, but an Olympic Gold Medalist cannot...
- Every heel manager needs a cane.
- It never occurs to the people who hate Vince McMahon to not buy tickets to the product that he sells.
- When asked to sing Triple H's entrance song - which they wrote - at a live PPV, Motorhead forgot the lyrics. However even the most casual wrestling fan knows every lyric due to hearing the damn song so many times.
- Because we can't handle the truth, real injuries are hidden and fake injuries are reported on after every commercial break.
- If you are a heel and get booed, you're an evil asshole. If you are a face who has held the company championship for 20 of the last 24 months and get booed out of the building, you are controversial.
- TNA will find a way to make a match type out of one of your traits.
- People who paid to see wrestling don't mind half an hour of uninterrupted talking and tons of backstage skits shown via the tron screens.
- Announcers must refer to any botch as "modified".
- The fact that you're number one Champion is proving to be the most hated babyface of all time isn't a cause for concern at all. On the contrary, it seems to mean he's doing great and the sky is limit for his push.
- A "tag-team" with more than 2 members is a "stable." A "stable" with more than 4 members is a "faction." A "faction" will always try to take over the company they work for without fear of being fired.
- Pets, family members, and love interests should never be brought to a show unless you're willing to wrestle a match with extremely odd/stupid stipulations to protect them.
- The best way to push your company as the new face of wrestling is to dedicate eighty or more percent of your TV time to wrestlers far past their prime.
- It is in no way disrespecful to advertise a show called 'Burn Notice' on your programming when the owner of the company has just been blown up.
- It is merely a coincidence that every celebrity who attends a wrestling event has a front row seat.
- It is perfectly normal to watch a match backstage, standing up, three feet from the TV. It is also perfectly normal when viewers at home can see you watching the match from backstage, but your TV is still showing just the match.
- Mick Foley's sole purpose now is to appear on TV every so often and lose a match. Kind of like a reverse Hulk Hogan.
- Anytime AJ Styles performs the Pele kick is a cause for the most jubilant of celebration, especially when he JUST HITS OUTTA NOWHERE. No matter how many times he does it, it's a monumental acheivement.
- WCW never existed, and in the few times it actually did, WWE was so much better than it. WCW always used underhanded tactics. WWE never did, ever, NEVER EVER!
- A man who used to wear face paint, shake ring ropes, use three moves, and wrote a comic book with no words where he put Santa Claus into bondage, makes complete sense as a conservative public speaker.
- Any time RAW is in Oklahoma, Jim Ross will be humiliated in front of his family and friends. On the flipside, any time RAW is in Memphis, Jerry Lawler will be put over by someone who could really benefit from defeating him.
- The biggest, toughest wrestlers in the WWE will rule over all competition...until Shane McMahon steps in.
- It's very easy to mistake 73,000 people for 93,000 people
- It's always a good idea to pantomime to the crowd or audibly yell out that you're going for your finisher. Your opponent still won't see it coming. What's that stomping on the mat? Better turn around and find out!
- The blond chick is more than likely going to win the Bikini contest.
- Losing your title twice in triple threat matches doesn't count as a loss on your record.
- Getting hit with a move in a three way match may cause you to blackout on the arena floor for upwards of 5 -10 minutes at a time.
- If you have issues with Teddy Long on Smackdown, best be ready to wrestle The Undertaker.
- Diving off 15 foot ladders or going through flaming tables is SAFE, but executing a piledriver is CAREER THREATENING~! and thus is forbidden.
- Your first promo on TNA TV must include at least one slam against Vince McMahon and his company.
- It's a bad idea to catch a steel chair Rob Van Dam just threw to you.
- Your best bet for success in ECW is to have never wrestled there.
- Being ran over by a car, dropped from a building, set on fire, and having your head crushed with a cinderblock/sledgehammer or any large blunt object will only put you out of action for *maybe* a week, but walking across the ring and tearing your quads puts you on the shelf for a YEAR.
-Publicly traded companies encourage their C.E.O.'s to ram people's faces into their ass and have on-camera kinky sex with female employees. (Phil Ken Sebben, HA-HA-HA!!)
- When wrestling in your hometown the chances of being humiliated increase with every reference to that fact.
- If you're an evil foreigner, every crowd will chant USA in an attempt to bother you. Even if you're wrestling another non-American.
-If Hogan starts shaking his fists, don't hit him again, just walk away.
- When wrestling in a cage match against an opponent with a manager, tag partner, or valet at ringside, never stick your head out of the cage door.
-Celebrity Wrestling = ratings. Just look at Celebrity Deathmatch... what do you mean that isn't around anymore?!
- If you get kicked in the stomach, you must wait ten seconds, in case somebody decides to Scissor Kick you.
- If you're a babyface and under 200 pounds, don't accept a match against another light babyface. About a minute in you'll both be destroyed by someone who wants a World title shot.
- If awarded a trophy, don't bother making a space for it on your shelf, for it will never make it home in one piece.
- If a gimmick doesn't work the first time, try, try again. With somebody else. (Examples: Bodydonnas/Simon Dean, Papa Shango/Boogeyman, Dean Douglas/Matt Striker, Gangrel/Kevin Thorn, Rhythm 'n' Blues/Deuce and Domino, Razor Ramon/Fake Razor Ramon/Carlito.)
- Any wrestler/tag team/stable/personality referring to themselves as the "New" version of a previous wrestler/tag team/stable/personality will automatically fail.
- The best way to put over a black champion is to have him act like whiter-than-white royalty, while the best way to put over a white champion is to have him act like a black rapper.
- When you need to talk to someone 'in private', just ignore the camera crew filming the whole thing.
- Always wear your wrestling gear - even if you're backstage and not scheduled to wrestle.
- The more evil you get, the slower your theme music becomes...
- If your Canadian you probably trained under Stu Hart at some point in your career. Even if you didn't.
- If you're a Japanese wrestler, you will not know a word of English and will only smile and nod to communicate.
- Leprechauns live under the ring. They do not hide pots of gold. Rob Van Dam used pot and lost the gold.
- Foreigners are evil by default. Not born in the U.S.A? HOW DARE YOU.
- There are a thousand variations of the chinlock. Most were created by Randy Orton. And all are used for 14 minutes of a 20 minute match.
- When submitting match results to a website from a WWE show that you attended in person, it's important to express your utter disdain for everyone else in attendance because they were actually trying to have a good time and were doing such inappropriate things as cheering for Cena and HHH while booing people like Shelton Benjamin (y'know, the bad guys). It's also important to express complete hatred for the current product, but only after bragging about how good your seats were, how much they cost, and when people might be able to see you talking on your cell phone during the actual broadcast.
- Usually, the guy with the Japanese name that's wearing a mask isn't going to be Japanese...or any Asian nationality for that matter.
- Samoans speak unintelligible gibberish, have heads like cinder-blocks and thumbs capable of extreme devastation.
- No matter how many times somebody escapes your full nelson, it still has never been broken.
- It is clearly impossible for every person to get into the ring at the same time during a TNA reverse battle royal.
- Goose stepping in Germany may get you fired from CNBC News, but it does get you the WWE championship and appearances on FOX News.
- Drawing number 1 gives you a better chance of winning the Royal Rumble than drawing number 30.
- When in a Hell in a Cell match, it's always a good defensive strategy to climb to the top of the cell.
- Always argue with a referee about a two count. Sometimes he'll change his mind and make it a three count...
- If you win the Royal Rumble, HHH will still main event Wrestlemania anyways.
- If you set up a table outside the ring for seemingly no reason, it is safe to assume you will be the one going through it.
- If your name is 'Goldberg' or 'Lesnar' you will claim wrestling was only slightly responsible for your fame even though you're not known anywhere else for anything else.
- Holding two world titles at once solidifies your status as main eventer. Just ask RVD and Chris Jericho....
- When you're athletic, charismatic, experienced and you gain the biggest pops in one of your promotions most important PPV, prepare to pay some dues. You're not thinking you are better than everyone else, are you?
- Two guys randomly thrown together can easily beat any legit tag team for their championship titles.
- If you're a wrestler in your 20's with about 240 lbs. of pure muscle you still wont be able to beat the 53 year old with the bum knees you'll be facing that night
- A 5'4" 140 lbs. woman is considered fat
- If Tony Schiavone is calling the matches, the night will always be the greatest night in Wrestling ever, regardless of it's actual content.
- A C-list celebrity can beat your company's Champion, but an Olympic Gold Medalist cannot...
- Every heel manager needs a cane.
- It never occurs to the people who hate Vince McMahon to not buy tickets to the product that he sells.
- When asked to sing Triple H's entrance song - which they wrote - at a live PPV, Motorhead forgot the lyrics. However even the most casual wrestling fan knows every lyric due to hearing the damn song so many times.
- Because we can't handle the truth, real injuries are hidden and fake injuries are reported on after every commercial break.
- If you are a heel and get booed, you're an evil asshole. If you are a face who has held the company championship for 20 of the last 24 months and get booed out of the building, you are controversial.
- TNA will find a way to make a match type out of one of your traits.
- People who paid to see wrestling don't mind half an hour of uninterrupted talking and tons of backstage skits shown via the tron screens.
- Announcers must refer to any botch as "modified".
- The fact that you're number one Champion is proving to be the most hated babyface of all time isn't a cause for concern at all. On the contrary, it seems to mean he's doing great and the sky is limit for his push.
- A "tag-team" with more than 2 members is a "stable." A "stable" with more than 4 members is a "faction." A "faction" will always try to take over the company they work for without fear of being fired.
- Pets, family members, and love interests should never be brought to a show unless you're willing to wrestle a match with extremely odd/stupid stipulations to protect them.
- The best way to push your company as the new face of wrestling is to dedicate eighty or more percent of your TV time to wrestlers far past their prime.
- It is in no way disrespecful to advertise a show called 'Burn Notice' on your programming when the owner of the company has just been blown up.
- It is merely a coincidence that every celebrity who attends a wrestling event has a front row seat.
- It is perfectly normal to watch a match backstage, standing up, three feet from the TV. It is also perfectly normal when viewers at home can see you watching the match from backstage, but your TV is still showing just the match.
- Mick Foley's sole purpose now is to appear on TV every so often and lose a match. Kind of like a reverse Hulk Hogan.
- Anytime AJ Styles performs the Pele kick is a cause for the most jubilant of celebration, especially when he JUST HITS OUTTA NOWHERE. No matter how many times he does it, it's a monumental acheivement.
- WCW never existed, and in the few times it actually did, WWE was so much better than it. WCW always used underhanded tactics. WWE never did, ever, NEVER EVER!
- A man who used to wear face paint, shake ring ropes, use three moves, and wrote a comic book with no words where he put Santa Claus into bondage, makes complete sense as a conservative public speaker.
- Any time RAW is in Oklahoma, Jim Ross will be humiliated in front of his family and friends. On the flipside, any time RAW is in Memphis, Jerry Lawler will be put over by someone who could really benefit from defeating him.
- The biggest, toughest wrestlers in the WWE will rule over all competition...until Shane McMahon steps in.
- It's very easy to mistake 73,000 people for 93,000 people
