Post by Mark Cannon on Oct 24, 2009 11:23:15 GMT -5
Okay, do it now. Fire her and let be done with. Don’t take no for answer, no matter what she says. She's a bitch and she's been nothing but trouble since I met her. Jesus, just like the original Lindsey. Hell, she’ll probably drop me anyway. I’m a shitty client and I’m going up against the entire roster next week. Fuck her, I don't care what Vi says, she's out. See? Everybody hates me. It’s just a fact. Maybe I’m just paranoid; maybe that’s just what they want me to think…
I go into my locker room to find Lindsey sitting in my chair. Remember, she’s out. The time has come.
Mark: Lindsey!
Lindsey: The time has come the Walrus said-
“To talk of many things.” What is she doing with that book?
Mark: Is that my copy of Through the Looking Glass?
Lindsey: Yeah, why are you reading this anyway? It’s kind of a girly book.
Mark: It’s a classic.
Lindsey: I didn't know meatheads like you were cultured.
Mark: Hey I was a writer once, you know.
Lindsey: Really? How’d that work out for you?
Mark: Fantastically, my Pulitzer should come in the mail any time this week.
Lindsey: Oh, so you’re bitter.
Mark: Not bitter, just…
Lindsey: Bitter.
Mark: I’m not complaining. It’s not that I hate wrestling; I love wrestling… it’s just…
Lindsey: Did you want to have story time or did you actually want to talk to me about something?
Fire her. Fire her!
Mark: No, nothing.
Lindsey: Listen, I know you might still be pissed about that stunt we pulled last week, but come one, it was all publicity. You’re in a great position right now.
Mark: Yeah, for all it’s worth.
Lindsey: What’s that supposed to mean?
Mark: The new GM seems to be gunning for me.
Lindsey: That's because you're kind of a tool. And you;re kinda weepy. No one likes that ya know?
She goes back to reading. Through the Looking Glass.
Mark: I wish you’d put that back.
Lindsey: Shut up.
Mark: Do you like it?
Lindsey: Yeah, it’s really funny.
Mark: You know you can read it online.
Lindsey: What’s so great about this book anyway?
Mark: I don't know.
Lindsey: Come on, tell me.
Mark: No!
Lindsey: Oh honey you’re just dripping with an excess of tortured soul. You’re gonna want to get rid of it someday. Maybe then you’ll be less annoying. Talk.
Mark: Not on your life.
Lindsey: Everyone wants to know, Mark boy. What's your deal?
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
2 years before…
Renny: When pigs fly!
Mark: Come on! Let me win one match. That’s all! Just one!
Renny: I hired you to lose. And so you’ll lose. Besides, you’d probably never be able to win a match anyway.
Mark: That’s not true! I’ve been training! I can win something!
Renny: Sorry Mark, the final answer is no.
Mark: Oh fuck you.
Renny: Fine, because of that, you’re going against Omega tonight!
Mark: Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Omega’s the biggest guy here. I’m going to lose… worst than usual. I storm out of the office and swear loudly in the hallway. I bang my fist against a wall and feel a sharp pain as something hits the side of my head.
?: Shut up!
I look down at the book that was thrown at my head lying on the floor. Through the Looking Glass. I haven’t read it.
Mark: What the hell did you do that for?
?: I was innocently reading in the corner when you start throwing a hissy fit in the middle of the hallway. So I threw something at you.
Mark: Sorry.
?: You should be. Now why the fit?
Mark: I got put into a match with Omega tonight.
?: Hold on, you’re a wrestler here?
Mark: Yeah.
?: Really, I thought you were one of the water boys. You’re kinda scrawny don't you think?
Mark: Ummm….I’m sorry but who are you?
Hammer: Oh, you’re new. I’m The Hammer.
Mark: Oh my God! I’ve heard of you, you’re huge here!
Hammer: I guess. I just got back from vacation, so I’m excited to get back in the ring.
Mark: Well good luck.
Hammer: Thanks; try not to get your face smashed in too much.
Well he seems nice, at least that’s something. Especially here. For a Christian wrestling organization, everyone seems to be an asshole. Well, there’s him and Sarah. The only two good wrestlers in this entire fed. Ah well…time to face the music.
I make my way to the ring and get nice, respectable pop from the crowd. Then Omega comes out, and the audience explodes. I’m fucked. I know I’m screwed and it doesn't take him long to pin me. After the match his over he takes a steel chair to my back. I’m already half-conscious, so I don't remember much of what happened after the match, but people tell me that Ben came to my rescue and pretty much had to carry me backstage. I know I owe him, and I meet him for in a coffee shop the next morning.
Hammer: You look like you have a huge hangover.
Mark: Whatever, my head’s killing me. Maybe if I get drunk before my matches, it’ll hurt less.
Hammer: That’s what I used to do.
Mark: Seriously?
Hammer: Yeah, back in my scrawny days I’d just get smashed before a match. I ran with it, put on a blue superhero mask and acted like a crazy guy. Now, years later, and I’m still a crazy guy in a superhero suit.
Mark: Do you hate it?
Hammer: Nah, I think it’s fun.
Mark: I think it would be surreal.
Hammer: But it’s not. In fact it helps. You're problem, is that when you go out there, you’re still Mark Cannon. You need to become someone else. Maybe change your name.
Mark: To what?
Hammer: I don’t know. But I’m sure we can come up with something.
We try, and fail miserably, but have a lot of laughs along the way.
Mark: Okay, I could be “Mark-DoGood” and wear yellow tights and my gimmick can be that I never do wrong, but I’m insane about it. Like, if someone litters, I kill them.
Hammer: Or maybe not.
Mark: I know, but it’s frustrating. Why can't I just be Mark Cannon?
Hammer: I guess if you really want to. Of course we could always just steal a gimmick.
Mark: A copycat?
Hammer: I mean, people do it all the time. Do you know Omega’s finisher?
Mark: The Omega? Yes. I’ve gotten it, twice.
Hammer: Yeah, it’s a nasty move. Anyway, The Omega was original my finisher, and then he starts using it, changes his ring name to Omega and whatdoyaknow! The Omega’s finisher is The Omega and I have to find a new move.
Mark: That sucks.
Hammer: It’s terrible. My new finisher sucks. The Morter Shock. I gotta think of a new one.
Mark: I don’t even have a finisher yet.
Hammer: Don’t worry, we’ll get you one.
Mark: Thanks, you know you’re the one of the first people that’s actually been nice to me here?
Hammer: Not surprising.
Mark: I mean, this entire experience, I just feel like…like…
Hammer: Alice down the rabbit hole?
Mark: I was thinking more like Neo in The Matrix.
Hammer: Nah, I’m gonna go with Alice. She’s been on my mind lately.
I give him a look.
Hammer: Not like that! I’ve been reading Through the Looking Glass.
Mark: Id that like Alice in Wonderland.
Hammer: No, it’s the superior sequel. It's the one with all the famous poems like Jabberwocky or the Carpenter and the Walrus.
Mark: Not familiar.
Hammer: I’ll lend it to you one of these days. You’ll like it. It’s all about struggle with identity, and you’ve got plenty of that.
Mark: Thanks.
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
We talk and talk for days after that, and Hammer quickly becomes my best friend in the fed. It was nice to not be pushed around and bullied by the other wrestlers. He even starts to training, and I start to think I’m getting pretty good. I’m even losing less n the ring. I mean, I still lose, but it’s not quite a squash anymore. Renny doesn’t like it, but fuck him. I’m gonna win a match one of these days, and he’s gonna be sorry.
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings—
It’s a well-known fact that The Hammer is the king of CWF. He’s the most popular wrestler, and he’s won the most belts. I was learning from the best, but Renny didn’t want me to get tViing, so he put me in a match against Hammer. Well, I fully expect to get pummeled, but I actually end up holding my ground. I hit a pretty good spine buster and cover him. 1…2… something’s not right. I felt him twitch as if he were about to kick out. But he doesn’t. I get up before the ref could get to three. I go to the outside of the ring to get a chair and I get disqualified. I confront him later.
Mark: What the fuck was that?
Hammer: It was a great match dude, you had me. I don't know why you didn’t take the win.
Mark: You know as well as I do that you were not even close to being out.
Hammer: I wouldn’t just lay down for you! I don’t blow matches.
Mark: I just…I can't believe you’d disrespect me like that.
Hammer: Disrespect! Okay I admit it was an off-night for me. I never really found my temp and you took advantage of that. And…I might have underestimated you.
Mark: Bullshit! Bull fucking shit!
Hammer: Okay, that sound more comical than threatening, I just thought I should tell you.
Mark: Take this seriously, Hammer. For once, take something seriously.
Hammer: And for once, learn to laugh at yourself! Dear God Mark, you’re not the only one in the world with problems!
We go on bickering for what seems like forever. After a while he storms off and leaves me in the hallway. I find his copy of Through the Looking Glass in my locker. I read it, and apologize the next day. Things go back to how they were. At least, I think…
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
Mark: Renny’s a fucking pig.
Hammer: Yeah, he’s an asshole, but don't let him get to you. The best thing to do is…Are you crying.
Mark: No! It's these fucking new contact lenses. My eyes turned shit and I had to get thicker ones.
Hammer: Somehow I think it’s not just the contact lenses.
Mark: It’s just this entire business. This show. We’re all putting on masks and trying to be something we're not. Especially me. I fucking hate this place. Out there every day and fucking losing. It’s a disgrace. I don’t even know your real fucking name.
Hammer: It would only disappoint you.
Mark: Probably.
Hammer: Here.
He hands me his handkerchief.
Mark: Thanks. You know, you never see handkerchiefs anymore. I always kinda liked the idea. Oh, and they’ve got your initials on the bottom. Fancy.
Hammer: Yeah, I got them from my sister for Christmas. It makes me feel refined.
Mark: Well, I’m sure you’ll look plenty refined once you’ve got that costume on.
I start to take out my lenses, wiping away a fresh spurt of tears with the hanky.
Mark: Fuck it, I hate these things. Listen, I got this nasty bruise on my forehead at my last match, the makeup girl tried to cover it up but I don't think she did a really good job.
I take out my contacts and wipe away the tears with the hanky again.
Mark: Can you take a closer look? I think it’s pretty noticeable.
Hammer: Well, since you want to be beauty queen…
He leans in to look at my head.
Hammer: I don't see anything. Where’s it supposed to be?
Mark: Oh, my hair might be blocking it.
He brushes back my hair. Our eyes connect. He kisses me. I back away as fast as I can. What the fuck! What the fuck just happened.
Hammer: Look, I’m sorry I just…Listen, I hope this doesn’t change anything…I mean I…
Mark: I…I…have a match.
Hammer: See ya later?
Mark: Maybe not…listen I just…
Hammer: Fine, never talk to me again just…just never tell anyone, alright?
Mark: Stay away from me.
Hammer: Listen, if you say anything, I’m going to get fired!
Mark: I have to get to a match.
My match goes fine. I lose. I head back to my locker, eager to avoid Hammer. I open it. His copy of Through the Looking Glass is still there. The handkerchief is still on the counter. I look at the initials on the bottom right hand corner, L. H, and flip it over in my hands. There’s a note on the other side.
Keep the book.
-Lindsey
"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
I go into my locker room to find Lindsey sitting in my chair. Remember, she’s out. The time has come.
Mark: Lindsey!
Lindsey: The time has come the Walrus said-
“To talk of many things.” What is she doing with that book?
Mark: Is that my copy of Through the Looking Glass?
Lindsey: Yeah, why are you reading this anyway? It’s kind of a girly book.
Mark: It’s a classic.
Lindsey: I didn't know meatheads like you were cultured.
Mark: Hey I was a writer once, you know.
Lindsey: Really? How’d that work out for you?
Mark: Fantastically, my Pulitzer should come in the mail any time this week.
Lindsey: Oh, so you’re bitter.
Mark: Not bitter, just…
Lindsey: Bitter.
Mark: I’m not complaining. It’s not that I hate wrestling; I love wrestling… it’s just…
Lindsey: Did you want to have story time or did you actually want to talk to me about something?
Fire her. Fire her!
Mark: No, nothing.
Lindsey: Listen, I know you might still be pissed about that stunt we pulled last week, but come one, it was all publicity. You’re in a great position right now.
Mark: Yeah, for all it’s worth.
Lindsey: What’s that supposed to mean?
Mark: The new GM seems to be gunning for me.
Lindsey: That's because you're kind of a tool. And you;re kinda weepy. No one likes that ya know?
She goes back to reading. Through the Looking Glass.
Mark: I wish you’d put that back.
Lindsey: Shut up.
Mark: Do you like it?
Lindsey: Yeah, it’s really funny.
Mark: You know you can read it online.
Lindsey: What’s so great about this book anyway?
Mark: I don't know.
Lindsey: Come on, tell me.
Mark: No!
Lindsey: Oh honey you’re just dripping with an excess of tortured soul. You’re gonna want to get rid of it someday. Maybe then you’ll be less annoying. Talk.
Mark: Not on your life.
Lindsey: Everyone wants to know, Mark boy. What's your deal?
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
2 years before…
Renny: When pigs fly!
Mark: Come on! Let me win one match. That’s all! Just one!
Renny: I hired you to lose. And so you’ll lose. Besides, you’d probably never be able to win a match anyway.
Mark: That’s not true! I’ve been training! I can win something!
Renny: Sorry Mark, the final answer is no.
Mark: Oh fuck you.
Renny: Fine, because of that, you’re going against Omega tonight!
Mark: Shit.
Shit. Shit. Shit. Omega’s the biggest guy here. I’m going to lose… worst than usual. I storm out of the office and swear loudly in the hallway. I bang my fist against a wall and feel a sharp pain as something hits the side of my head.
?: Shut up!
I look down at the book that was thrown at my head lying on the floor. Through the Looking Glass. I haven’t read it.
Mark: What the hell did you do that for?
?: I was innocently reading in the corner when you start throwing a hissy fit in the middle of the hallway. So I threw something at you.
Mark: Sorry.
?: You should be. Now why the fit?
Mark: I got put into a match with Omega tonight.
?: Hold on, you’re a wrestler here?
Mark: Yeah.
?: Really, I thought you were one of the water boys. You’re kinda scrawny don't you think?
Mark: Ummm….I’m sorry but who are you?
Hammer: Oh, you’re new. I’m The Hammer.
Mark: Oh my God! I’ve heard of you, you’re huge here!
Hammer: I guess. I just got back from vacation, so I’m excited to get back in the ring.
Mark: Well good luck.
Hammer: Thanks; try not to get your face smashed in too much.
Well he seems nice, at least that’s something. Especially here. For a Christian wrestling organization, everyone seems to be an asshole. Well, there’s him and Sarah. The only two good wrestlers in this entire fed. Ah well…time to face the music.
I make my way to the ring and get nice, respectable pop from the crowd. Then Omega comes out, and the audience explodes. I’m fucked. I know I’m screwed and it doesn't take him long to pin me. After the match his over he takes a steel chair to my back. I’m already half-conscious, so I don't remember much of what happened after the match, but people tell me that Ben came to my rescue and pretty much had to carry me backstage. I know I owe him, and I meet him for in a coffee shop the next morning.
Hammer: You look like you have a huge hangover.
Mark: Whatever, my head’s killing me. Maybe if I get drunk before my matches, it’ll hurt less.
Hammer: That’s what I used to do.
Mark: Seriously?
Hammer: Yeah, back in my scrawny days I’d just get smashed before a match. I ran with it, put on a blue superhero mask and acted like a crazy guy. Now, years later, and I’m still a crazy guy in a superhero suit.
Mark: Do you hate it?
Hammer: Nah, I think it’s fun.
Mark: I think it would be surreal.
Hammer: But it’s not. In fact it helps. You're problem, is that when you go out there, you’re still Mark Cannon. You need to become someone else. Maybe change your name.
Mark: To what?
Hammer: I don’t know. But I’m sure we can come up with something.
We try, and fail miserably, but have a lot of laughs along the way.
Mark: Okay, I could be “Mark-DoGood” and wear yellow tights and my gimmick can be that I never do wrong, but I’m insane about it. Like, if someone litters, I kill them.
Hammer: Or maybe not.
Mark: I know, but it’s frustrating. Why can't I just be Mark Cannon?
Hammer: I guess if you really want to. Of course we could always just steal a gimmick.
Mark: A copycat?
Hammer: I mean, people do it all the time. Do you know Omega’s finisher?
Mark: The Omega? Yes. I’ve gotten it, twice.
Hammer: Yeah, it’s a nasty move. Anyway, The Omega was original my finisher, and then he starts using it, changes his ring name to Omega and whatdoyaknow! The Omega’s finisher is The Omega and I have to find a new move.
Mark: That sucks.
Hammer: It’s terrible. My new finisher sucks. The Morter Shock. I gotta think of a new one.
Mark: I don’t even have a finisher yet.
Hammer: Don’t worry, we’ll get you one.
Mark: Thanks, you know you’re the one of the first people that’s actually been nice to me here?
Hammer: Not surprising.
Mark: I mean, this entire experience, I just feel like…like…
Hammer: Alice down the rabbit hole?
Mark: I was thinking more like Neo in The Matrix.
Hammer: Nah, I’m gonna go with Alice. She’s been on my mind lately.
I give him a look.
Hammer: Not like that! I’ve been reading Through the Looking Glass.
Mark: Id that like Alice in Wonderland.
Hammer: No, it’s the superior sequel. It's the one with all the famous poems like Jabberwocky or the Carpenter and the Walrus.
Mark: Not familiar.
Hammer: I’ll lend it to you one of these days. You’ll like it. It’s all about struggle with identity, and you’ve got plenty of that.
Mark: Thanks.
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
We talk and talk for days after that, and Hammer quickly becomes my best friend in the fed. It was nice to not be pushed around and bullied by the other wrestlers. He even starts to training, and I start to think I’m getting pretty good. I’m even losing less n the ring. I mean, I still lose, but it’s not quite a squash anymore. Renny doesn’t like it, but fuck him. I’m gonna win a match one of these days, and he’s gonna be sorry.
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings—
It’s a well-known fact that The Hammer is the king of CWF. He’s the most popular wrestler, and he’s won the most belts. I was learning from the best, but Renny didn’t want me to get tViing, so he put me in a match against Hammer. Well, I fully expect to get pummeled, but I actually end up holding my ground. I hit a pretty good spine buster and cover him. 1…2… something’s not right. I felt him twitch as if he were about to kick out. But he doesn’t. I get up before the ref could get to three. I go to the outside of the ring to get a chair and I get disqualified. I confront him later.
Mark: What the fuck was that?
Hammer: It was a great match dude, you had me. I don't know why you didn’t take the win.
Mark: You know as well as I do that you were not even close to being out.
Hammer: I wouldn’t just lay down for you! I don’t blow matches.
Mark: I just…I can't believe you’d disrespect me like that.
Hammer: Disrespect! Okay I admit it was an off-night for me. I never really found my temp and you took advantage of that. And…I might have underestimated you.
Mark: Bullshit! Bull fucking shit!
Hammer: Okay, that sound more comical than threatening, I just thought I should tell you.
Mark: Take this seriously, Hammer. For once, take something seriously.
Hammer: And for once, learn to laugh at yourself! Dear God Mark, you’re not the only one in the world with problems!
We go on bickering for what seems like forever. After a while he storms off and leaves me in the hallway. I find his copy of Through the Looking Glass in my locker. I read it, and apologize the next day. Things go back to how they were. At least, I think…
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
Mark: Renny’s a fucking pig.
Hammer: Yeah, he’s an asshole, but don't let him get to you. The best thing to do is…Are you crying.
Mark: No! It's these fucking new contact lenses. My eyes turned shit and I had to get thicker ones.
Hammer: Somehow I think it’s not just the contact lenses.
Mark: It’s just this entire business. This show. We’re all putting on masks and trying to be something we're not. Especially me. I fucking hate this place. Out there every day and fucking losing. It’s a disgrace. I don’t even know your real fucking name.
Hammer: It would only disappoint you.
Mark: Probably.
Hammer: Here.
He hands me his handkerchief.
Mark: Thanks. You know, you never see handkerchiefs anymore. I always kinda liked the idea. Oh, and they’ve got your initials on the bottom. Fancy.
Hammer: Yeah, I got them from my sister for Christmas. It makes me feel refined.
Mark: Well, I’m sure you’ll look plenty refined once you’ve got that costume on.
I start to take out my lenses, wiping away a fresh spurt of tears with the hanky.
Mark: Fuck it, I hate these things. Listen, I got this nasty bruise on my forehead at my last match, the makeup girl tried to cover it up but I don't think she did a really good job.
I take out my contacts and wipe away the tears with the hanky again.
Mark: Can you take a closer look? I think it’s pretty noticeable.
Hammer: Well, since you want to be beauty queen…
He leans in to look at my head.
Hammer: I don't see anything. Where’s it supposed to be?
Mark: Oh, my hair might be blocking it.
He brushes back my hair. Our eyes connect. He kisses me. I back away as fast as I can. What the fuck! What the fuck just happened.
Hammer: Look, I’m sorry I just…Listen, I hope this doesn’t change anything…I mean I…
Mark: I…I…have a match.
Hammer: See ya later?
Mark: Maybe not…listen I just…
Hammer: Fine, never talk to me again just…just never tell anyone, alright?
Mark: Stay away from me.
Hammer: Listen, if you say anything, I’m going to get fired!
Mark: I have to get to a match.
My match goes fine. I lose. I head back to my locker, eager to avoid Hammer. I open it. His copy of Through the Looking Glass is still there. The handkerchief is still on the counter. I look at the initials on the bottom right hand corner, L. H, and flip it over in my hands. There’s a note on the other side.
Keep the book.
-Lindsey
"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
